A geek walks into a bar JOKES

Jokes that geeks , nerds might like
Scroll down to see networking, physics , math , chemistry
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Networking
I'd tell you a UDP joke but you might not get it.

A TCP packet walks into a bar, and says to the barman: “Hello, I’d
like a beer.” The barman replies: “Hello, you’d like a beer?” “Yes,”
replies the TCP packet, “I’d like a beer.”

A UDP packet walks into the bar. The bartender doesn't acknowledge him.


Physics
The barman said, we don't serve faster than light particles here.
A Tachyon walked into a bar.
 
Schrödinger's cat walks into a bar… The barman says "are you going to order or not ?" .

A neutrino walks into a bar.......
A neutron walks into a bar; he asks the bartender, 'How much for a
beer?' The bartender looks at him, and says 'For you, no charge.'

The barman said, we don't serve faster than light particles here.
A Tachyon walked into a bar.

An ion walks into a bar.  He tells the barman, "I think I lost an electron.".  The barman says, "Are you sure?"  The ion says, "Yes.  I'm positive."

Never trust an atom. They make up everything.

A student traveling on a train looks up and sees Einstein sitting
next to him. Excited, he asks:  “Excuse me, professor. Does Boston stop
at this train?”


Chemistry
Have you heard the one about the sick chemist? If you can't helium, and you can't curium, you'll probably have to barium.

When I heard that oxygen and magnesium hooked up .........  OMg. 


 Math
 To understand recursion , you must first understand recursion.

 Three statisticians go out hunting together. After a while they spot a solitary rabbit. The first statistician takes aim and overshoots. The second aims and undershoots. The third shouts out "We got him!"

Calculate the volume of an item at an Italian restaurant... it is round with a radius of z and a thickness of a.   ===>   pi*z*z*a

What is the integral of 1/cabin?      log cabin

A physicist, a biologist, and a mathematician are sitting on a bench across from a house. They watch as two people go into the house, and then a little later, three people walk out.

The physicist says, "The initial measurement was incorrect."

The biologist says, "They must have reproduced."

And the mathematician says, "If exactly one person enters that house, it will be empty."

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first says, "I'll have a beer." The second says, "I'll have half a beer." The third says, "I'll have a quarter of a beer." 

The barman turns and pulls out  two beers. The mathematicians protest, "That's all you're giving us?  The bartender says, "Come on guys. Know your limits."

There are 10 types of people in this world. Those that know binary,
and those that don’t.

A Roman walks into a bar,  holds up two fingers.  The Barman says where are the other four in your party ?

What does the “B” in Benoit B Mandelbrot stand for?
Answer: Benoit B Mandelbrot.

Philosophy

Pavlov is enjoying a pint in the pub. The phone rings. He jumps up
and shouts: “Hell, I forgot to feed the dog!”

“Is it solipsistic in here, or is it just me?”

A Buddhist monk walks into a bar.  He says to the barman " Hotdog please"...... “Make me one
with everything”

Werner Heisenberg, Kurt Gödel, and Noam Chomsky walk into a bar.
Heisenberg turns to the other two and says: “Clearly this is a joke, but
how can we figure out if it’s funny or not?” Gödel replies: “We can’t
know that because we’re inside the joke.” Chomsky says: “Of course it’s
funny. You’re just telling it wrong.”

Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French café, revising his draft of
Being and Nothingness. He says to the waitress: “I’d like a cup of
coffee, please, with no cream.” The waitress replies: “I’m sorry,
Monsieur, but we’re out of cream. How about with no milk?”

Biology
What do you call two crows on a branch? Attempted murder.

Software / Hardware
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None, it’s
a hardware problem.

A programmer’s wife tells him: “Run to the store and pick up a loaf
of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen.” The programmer comes home
with 12 loaves of bread.


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